transition-ING

http://innercortex.com/
http://innercortex.com/
http://innercortex.com/
http://innercortex.com/
http://innercortex.com/

you get the point :)

dont.let.it.pass.you

People continue to disappoint me. I don't know what it is I do or I've done that makes the people I surround myself with temporary. They all manage to find a way out when their part of the story is not even close to finish yet. Some people lose interest and some are just too afraid to take a chance. I see people everyday, walking the earth clueless to what they want and oblivious to what they have. They want to do something for themselves but they never find anything worthy of their full attention. Jack of all trades, master of none. I see people everyday living in yesterday, regretting and dwelling the past, the unchangeable past.

Regret, I don't understand it, why do something if you even have the slightest doubt of regretting it later on. Or even simply, why regret the things you've already done, time only moves forward so shouldn't we train our minds to do the same. I guess that's the same reason why people continue to leave. They lack the ability to look deep enough into the perhaps, the maybe, the possibly that they walk away before they even get in.

Isn't life about the interactions, the people that enter it whether we chose to or not. Isn't it about the things we do or don't do and how we deal with it. What are people so scared of? There's really not much to it. Before you know it, you're old, wrinkled and unable. Disability is not so bad when you look at inability. When you're truly unable to do anything whether you want to or not. So why not do the things you want and need while you can. While the chance is still there.

The only fear we should have is having to look back when we're on our deathbed, not knowing what could have been, if only we had tried or tried harder.

still unstructured.

 It seems that way that his pieces lie scattered on the floor, among the dirt and dust. It's not that he keeps falling apart like a house of cards. But perhaps he's still unstructured, unconstructed, untouched. The rebuild has yet to start and it's useless to try and move forward as several pieces. It's like trying to fix a shelf with a broken nail. Its fix is temporary, the effort misused.

And so the pieces need tendering, and even if it forms into something new and different, it would be sufficient enough for living. As for now, he's at a pause, moving but stationary. It's neither a sad story nor does it necessarily mean to have a happy ending. A story, in its simplest and purest form, is quite simply enough. It's his story and history.

The sound of quiet contemplation

When you see things before they happen.
When you're hurt before getting hit.
When you're looking for a sign, anything to hold on to, and to hope for.
When you're face flat on the floor before you even get to stand on your feet.
When you lose something before even gaining it.
When the sky turns gray before the sunrise.
When it pours before it rains.
When you feel completely helpless.
When it's as hard to close your eyes as you open them.
When you wakeup into dream and sleep in reality.
When the world turns upside down before it's even fully formed.
When breathing seems like a workout.
When nothing's going your way.

And no one can notice nor understand you.

When you're dead before getting the chance to live.


The feeling is as unique as your very self, but the process,...well it's universal.

A momentary lifetime

Do you ever imagine yourself standing on a cliff. The ocean right before your very eyes as waves crash upon rocks so old as the water right beneath your feet.

You look into the distance wishing the wind could take you with it. To soar above the calm and stormy seas below you, sailing across wherever the wind will take you. It would bring you over tiny uninhabited islands surrounded by white sandy beach populated by nothing but trees as green as the Earth once was and exotic wildlife living to survive another day. Birds, tankers, airplanes full of people would pass you and you notice them as little as they notice you. The clouds are now above and below you, blanketing your view of the earth and the rest of the universe. You are stuck in between.

It's uncertain when you will arrive at your destination, and even that is unknown all by itself. But it doesn't matter. For at that very moment, you finally feel a part of something, being away but completely one with nature. And you no longer feel pain nor fear nor anger nor sorrow. There's absolutely nothing you can worry about even if you tried. You feel neither young nor old, nor aging. You are just what you are in that instance: unchained, able and free-spirited. You feel the world changing and adapting to your nature and not the other way around.

There are moments in our lives when all our worries seem to briefly disappear. So short and limited yet they can last a lifetime.
I live for those moments.

Umpteen hours in a day

There are theoretically 24 different timezones in the World, running every second and every minute of the day continuously. (Without taking into account places that do or don't use daylight savings time). So to the bare minimum, ideally, there are at least 24 different people living in all different times of the day.

In some cases, if the timing is perfect, it's possible to have a day last up to around 47 hours. (It took me a while looking at my globe lamp to figure this out) If a person moves from the west side to the east side of the international date line at the appropriate time. Now that's not even that complicated, how about living right at the North (and South) Pole? What timezone do they operate and well how do they tell when the day starts and ends? Maybe there's no right timezone.

A day is defined as a full rotation of the Earth about its axis and lasts for approximately 24 hours. But whether you get more or less than 24 hours in your day, it doesn't really matter. What matters is what you do with what you have. Like a lot of things in life, a day is valued with how you spend it and in most cases, who you spend it with.

You may find yourself having 47 hours for one day, but if you don't spend it the way you want or need to spend it, what is it really worth? They say our days here on Earth is numbered, but does it really matter when you don't use every single unit of your time remaining to its fullest potential?


Find what it is you deserve, what it is you want, and/or what it is you need and go for it. As cliché as it may be, life is for living and you have full control of it...right now!

"What is the point of being alive if you don't at least try to do something remarkable"
-John Green (An Abundance of Katherines)

The infinitesimal can make universes.

There's a heavy weight lingering in my mind.

Pulling not only my thoughts, but also my thinking.

Not the content but the process, the way

ideas come into being.

This burden brings it down

like a boulder on top of a hill

One tiny push can escalate into mayhem and

I start to lose grasp on which way is right or what is real

The perception is also altered like a cold covering a disease.

Disguising itself with the season and its surroundings.

As others come out of it, the virus becomes unbearably strong and takes over

the body and soul.

Until I become neither better nor worse

Neither content nor sad

Neither dead nor alive.

---

Do not worry of how things are changing but be watchful of how it changes you.

Your way of life, even to the way you take a breath.

For an infinitesimal change in you has far greater weight than a complete change of everything else.

My summer "vlog"

With the days filled with sadness that just passed and the slow but sure steady race of moving forward and getting back in the air, I felt a sense of nostalgia so once I got home from Cynthia's funeral, I started re-watching some of my videos and this one I remembered the most because I had just done it this past summer.

So with my lack of blogging over the summer as I promised at the beginning of it, I present you this video which wrapped up my whole entire summer.

Summer COOP 2010 video

I had to use our schools video streaming program because youtube would delete the audio which has content I obviously don't have copyrights to.

January 1, 2010, A new decade

an excerpt from a journal I keep...

A new decade begins, a new year begins. Who knows what the past 10 years have given us, it's too much to think about and, well it's unchangeable anyways so what's the use? More importantly is to start on a good note, start fresh because a new beginning has been granted to all of us to make better of ourselves.

Today I went to St. Michaels Cathedral for the feast of Virgin Mary as well as for New Years. It was very refreshing and a great reminder for the new opportunities that are ahead of us. All we can really do is make the most of each one or at least try to. 

There's no greater loss than a missed opportunity. An opportunity to make things better, to accept things the way they truly are, to change and, most importantly, to grow.

I then proceeded to Nathan Phillips Square to go skating with friends except we miscommunicated as it was actually at Harbourfront. So Eddy and I walked down there with Tim Hortons coffee in our hands to keep us warm in the very cold winter night.

We skated for a bit and as I was skating alone, at times I'd feel a sudden rush of sadness as a sad/slow song comes on, and the many couples skating together didn't help at all. But I was with friends, some true but definitely enough to overcome the feeling that brought me down. After, we went to Shoeless Joes, and I had just a beer while others had full meals because I had already eaten at Frans near Eaton Centre. I had a char-broiled sirloin beef burger with tomatoes, lettuce, onions, pickle, cheese with fries and coke. It was definitely a filling meal to my stomach as it was to the soul as I had it with my parents and my brother as a start to the New Year.

After Shoeless Joe's, we parted and we, the Markham boys, made our way to Scarborough Town Centre where Martin had parked. We had a lot of moments to be by ourselves on the TTC and in the mall. I did a cartwheel in the empty mall, a kind of (hopefully) foreshadowing of the year ahead where I would feel like doing cartwheels as contentment enters my life again.

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Now I sit here, 2:58am of the second day of 2010, not really feeling alone nor sad even though I haven't talked to her the whole day. Maybe I could get used to it and finally move on. I think I need it more than I want and I believe that it will be something that allows me to grow.

My one goal in the years ahead is to continue to grow to become the best version of myself for me and hopefully for someone else. No one knows what turns we choose to make will define us and shape us, and we may not even be able to see what's around the corner but the beauty of it all is that we all eventually get to the finish line, and that's guaranteed. So live a little more than yesterday, the year before, the decade before, because you never know how much a little step can be a giant leap for your life.